Monday -
11-17-08 - Don't Quit
"When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill.
When funds are low and the debts are high.
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not QUIT.
Author unknown
Friday -
11-14-08 - Keep your chin up and don't let
'em get you down!
Someone clipped out this story and saved in a desk drawer many, many years ago when
he was a kid - how true it always still is! Keep your chin up and don't let 'em get you down! :-)
A man lived by the side of the road and sold hot dogs. He was hard of hearing, so he had no radio. He had trouble with his eyes, so he had no newspaper. But he sold good hot dogs.
He put up a sign on the highway telling how good they were. He stood by the side of the road and yelled, 'Buy a hot dog, mister.' And people bought. He increased his meat and bun order, and he bought a bigger stove to take care of his trade. He got his son home from college to help him. But then something happened.
His son said, 'Father, haven't you been listening to the radio? There's a big depression on, the international situation is terrible, and the domestic situation is even worse.' Whereupon the father thought, 'Well, my son has been to college. He listens to the radio and he reads the papers, so he ought to know.'
So the father cut down on the bun order, took down his advertising signs, and no longer bothered to stand on the side of the highway to sell hot dogs.
His hot dog sales fell almost overnight. 'You were right, son,' said the father to the boy, 'We are certainly in the middle of a great depression!'
Wednesday -
11-12-08 - Giving Up Wine
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'
'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.
'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.
'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'
'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.
'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'
'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'
The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'
I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'
Monday -
11-10-08 - Tomorrow is Veteran's Day
 |
Please, let's all take time -
think about the sacrifices and the ultimate price our Veterans
paid for the freedom we all enjoy today! Tribute
To Our Veterans - Click
|
Friday -
11-7-08 - Valerie
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed, good looking man in his late 40's or early 50's.
'May I help you?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else,' said the madam.
'No. I must see Valerie,' was the man's reply.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly
left.
The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no man had ever come back two nights in a row - too expensive - and there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000.
Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie questioned the man. 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'
The man replied, 'South Dakota.'
'Really!' she said. 'I have family in South Dakota.'
'I know,' the man said. 'Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
Wednesday -
11-5-08 - Only Great Minds Can Read This
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheear
at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.
Monday -
11-3-08 - NEW FORM OF KIDNAPPING
Please take a minute to read this. This is very scary and could
happen to any of us.. Seems like every nice thing people do for one
another can be perverted. A new twist on kidnapping from a very smart
survivor:
About a month ago there was a woman standing by the mall entrance
passing out flyers to all the women going in. The woman had written
the flyer herself to tell about an experience she had, so that she
might warn other women. The previous day, this woman had finished
shopping, went out to her car and discovered that she had a flat.
She got the jack out of the trunk and began to change the flat. A
nice man dressed in a business suit and carrying a briefcase walked
up to her and said, "I noticed you're changing a flat tire.
Would you like me to take care of it for you?" The woman was Grateful for his offer and accepted his help.
They chatted amiably while the man changed the flat, and then put
the flat tire and the jack in the trunk, shut it and dusted his
hands off.
The woman thanked him profusely, and as she was about to get in
her car, the man told her that he left his car around on the other
side of the mall, and asked if she would mind giving him a lift
to his car.
She was a little surprised and she asked him why his car was on
other side.
He explained that he had seen an old friend in the mall that he
hadn't seen for some time and they had a bite to eat, visited for a while, and he got turned around in the mall and left through the
wrong exit, and now he was running late. The woman hated to tell
him "no" because he had just rescued her from having to change her
flat tire all by herself, but she felt uneasy. (Trust that gut
feeling!)
Then she remembered seeing the man put his briefcase in her trunk
before shutting it and before he asked her for a ride to his car.
She told him that she'd be happy to drive him around to his car,
But she just remembered one last thing she needed to buy. (Smart
woman!!)
She said she would only be a few minutes; he could sit down in
her car and wait for her; she would be as quick as she could be.
She hurried into the mall, and told a security guard what had happened, the guard came out to her car with her, but the man had
left. They opened the trunk, took out his locked briefcase and
took it down to the police station.
The police opened it (ostensibly to look for ID so they could return it to the man). What they found was rope, duct tape, and
knives. When the police checked her "flat" tire, there was nothing
wrong with it; the air had simply been let out. It was obvious
what the man's intention was, and obvious that he had carefully
thought it out in advance. The woman was blessed to have escaped
harm. (Amen...thank you, God!)
How much worse it would have been if she had children with her and
had them wait in the car while the man fixed the tire, or if she
had a baby strapped into a car seat? Or if she'd gone against her
judgment and given him a lift?
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save
a life.
Discuss it with any woman you know that may need to be reminded that
The world we live in has a lot of crazies in it. Better to be safe
than sorry.
PLEASE BE SAFE AND NOT SORRY
Friday -
10-31-08 - Wise Words to Consider
During this political season let's be reminded of these wise words...
You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away people's initiative and independence.
You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for
themselves.
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
Wednesday -
10-29-08 - *545 PEOPLE
EVERY CITIZEN NEEDS TO READ THIS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT THIS JOURNALIST HAS SCRIPTED IN THIS MESSAGE. READ IT AND THEN REALLY THINK ABOUT OUR CURRENT POLITICAL DEBACLE.
*545 PEOPLE - By Charlie Reese
- Charley Reese has been a journalist for 49 years.
Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.
Have you ever wondered why, *if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits,
WHY do we have deficits?*
Have you ever wondered why, *if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do
we have inflation and high taxes?*
You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.
You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of
Representatives does.
You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.
One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices
545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible
for the domestic problems that plague this country.
I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency
to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority.
They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking
thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power
to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to
determine how he votes.
Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not
their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No
normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President
for creating deficits. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress
to accept it.
The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes.
Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pellocci.
She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can
approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they
agree to.
It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand
convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single
domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the
plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow
that what exists is what they want to exist.
If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.
If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them in IRAQ.
If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people,
it's because they want it that way.
There are no insoluble government problems.
Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they
can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give
the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con
you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or
"politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.
Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.
They, and they alone, have the power.
They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.
Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.
We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!
Charlie Reese is a former columnist of
the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.
What you do with this article now that you have read it is up to you, though you appear to have
several choices.
1. You can send this to everyone in your address book, and hope "they" do something about it.
2. You can agree to "vote against" everyone that is currently in office, knowing that the process
will take several years.
3. You can decide to "run for office" yourself and agree to do the job properly.
4. Lastly, you can sit back and do nothing, or re-elect the current
bunch.
Monday -
10-27-08 - Early Fishing
I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my
lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat
up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph.
I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible!'
My loving wife of twenty years replied, 'Can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?'
I still don't know if she was joking.
Friday -
10-24-08 - A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old)
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.
I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker 's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.
The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, 'I know why.'
Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.
He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a good Life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?' The Six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.
ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!
Wednesday -
10-22-08 - Estate Planning
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. A bit of a braggart, he approached her and began a conversation. 'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, 'but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars.'
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
Monday -
10-20-08 - The Wedding Night
Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon,
so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning,
Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and
Mary are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,
'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school'
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...
I gave him my airplane glue.'
Friday - 10-17-08 - (Inspirational)
- Red Marbles
I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas.
I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.
'Hello Barry, how are you today?'
'H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good.'
'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?'
'Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time.'
'Good. Anything I can help you with?'
'No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.'
'Would you like to take some home?' asked Mr. Miller.
'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.'
'Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?'
'All I got's my prize marble here.'
'Is that right? Let me see it' said Miller.
'Here 'tis. She's a dandy.'
'I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?' the store owner asked.
'Not zackley but almost..'
'Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble'. Mr. Miller told the boy.
'Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.'
Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.'
I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.
Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that
Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died.
They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.
Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.
Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.
Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.
'Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim 'traded' them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size....they came to pay their debt.'
'We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,' she confided, 'but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho.'
With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.
The Moral : We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath..
Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~ A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself...An unexpected phone call from an old friend...Green stoplights on your way to work...The fastest line at the grocery store...A good sing-along song on the radio...Your keys found right where you left them.
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED.
Wednesday - 10-15-08 - Where
To Buy Your USA-Gas
As we travel, it'll be fun to find the right gas stations..!!!!!! read
on...
WHERE TO BUY YOUR USA-GAS, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW. READ
ON...
Gas rationing in the 80's worked even though we grumbled about it.
It might even be good for us!
The Saudis are boycotting American
goods.
We should return the favor.
An interesting thought is to boycott their GAS.
Every time you fill up the car, you can avoid putting more money into the coffers of Saudi Arabia Just buy from gas companies that don't import their oil from the Saudis.
Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill-up the tank, I am sending my money to people who are trying to kill me, my family, and my friends.
I thought it might be interesting for you to know which oil companies are the best to buy gas from and which major companies import Middle Eastern
oil.
These companies import Middle Eastern
oil:
Shell..........................205,742,000 barrels
Chevron/Texaco.........144,332,000 barrels
Exxon /Mobil..............130,082,000 barrels
Marathon/Speedway...117,740,000 barrels
Amoco..........................62,231,000 barrels
Citgo Gas comes from South America , from a Dictator who hates Americans.
Do the math at $30/barrel, these imports amount to over $18 BILLION! (Oil is now $90-$95 a barrel)
Here are some large companies that
DO NOT import Middle Eastern oil:
Sunoco................ 0 barrels
Conoco................ 0 barrels
Sinclair................ 0 barrels
BP/Phillips........... 0 barrels
Hess.................... 0 barrels
ARC0................... 0 barrels
All of this information is available from the Department of Energy
and each is required to state where they get their oil and how much they are
importing.
But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of gas buyers. It's really simple to do.
Now, don't wimp out at this point.... keep reading and I'll
explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!
Sending this message to about thirty people.
If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300)... and
those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) .. and
so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers !!!!!!!
If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten
friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted!
If it goes one level further, you guessed it ..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!
Again, all you have to do is send this to
10 people. How long would all that take?
If each of us sends this message out to ten more people within one day, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next eight days!
Monday - 10-13-08 - Where Did The White
Man Go Wrong
Indian Chief, 'Two Eagles,' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his
wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.' The Chief nodded in
agreement. The official continued, Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man
go wrong?'
The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it. No
taxes, No debt, Plenty buffalo, Plenty beaver, Clean Water; Women did all the work, Medicine Man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and
fishing; All night having sex.' Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough
to think he can improve system like that.
Friday - 10-10-08 - The Woman Sneezes Again and Again
A man and a woman are sitting next to each other in first class on a plane. The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs.
The man isn't sure he saw what she did, and decides he is probably hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs.
The man is about to go nuts. He can't believe that he's seeing what he's seeing. A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again. The man has finally had all he can handle.
He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped it between your legs! What kind of signals are you sending me, or are you just trying to drive me crazy?"
The woman replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, sir. I have a rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The man, now feeling bad, says, "Oh, I'm sorry. What are you taking for it?" The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."
Wednesday - 10-8-08 - Jury Duty Scam
This has been verified by the FBI (their link is also included below). Please pass this on to everyone
you know. It is spreading fast so be prepared should you get this call. Most of us take those summonses for jury duty seriously, but enough people skip out on their civic duty, that a new and ominous kind of fraud has surfaced.
The caller claims to be a jury coordinator. If you protest that you never received a summons for jury duty,
the scammer asks you for your Social Security number and date of birth so he or she can verify the information and cancel the arrest warrant. Give out any of this information and bingo; your identity was just stolen.
The fraud has been reported so far in 11 states, including Oklahoma , Illinois , and Colorado . This (swindle) is particularly insidious because they use intimidation over the phone to try to bully people into giving information by pretending they are with the court system. The FBI and the federal court system have issued nationwide alerts on their web sites, warning consumers about the fraud.
Check it out here: http://www.fbi.gov/page2/june06/jury_scams060206.htm
Monday - 10-6-08 - My New Corvette
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the state trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110 , then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the
trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
Friday - 10-3-08 - How Much
Do You Pay For Gas?
On April 24, 2008, I stopped at Gas
Station, located in Cartersville, GA. My truck's gas gauge was on 1/4 of a tank. I use the mid-grade, which was priced at $3.71 per gallon. When my tank is at this point, it takes somewhere around 14 gallon's to fill it up.
When the pump showed 14 gallons had been pumped I began to slow it down, then to my surprise it went to 15, then 16. I even looked under my truck to see if it was being spilled. It was not. Then it showed 17 gallons had been pumped. It stopped at almost 18 gallons.
This was very strange to me, since my truck has only an 18 gallon tank. I went on my way a little confused, then on the evening news I heard a report that 1 out of 4 gas stations had calibrated their pumps to show more gas had been pumped than a person actually got.
Here is how to check a pump to see if you are getting the right amount:
Whichever grade you are using, put EXACTLY 10 GALLONS in your tank, then look at the dollar amount, if the dollar amount is not EXACTLY 10 times the price of the fuel you have chosen, then the pumps are rigged.
In my case as I said the mid-grade was $3.71 9/10 per gallon, my dollar amount for 10 gallons should have been $37.19. If I had only checked the pump.
It doesn't matter where you pump gas, please check the 10 gallon price.
If you do find a station that is cheating, contact the proper authorities. We need to put a stop to this outrageous cheating of customers. The gas companies are making enough profits at honest rates.
Unknown Author
Wednesday - 10-1-08 - Alcohol
Is Bad For Your Legs
Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself...
Man: 'May I buy you a cocktail?'
Maxine: 'No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs.'
Man: 'Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?'
Maxine: 'No, they spread.'
Monday -
9-29-08 - Good
Rules To Follow (Unknown Publisher)
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their
relatives!
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN! .. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.
Friday - 9-26-08 - (Funny!!!) If Men
Could…
Hallmark would
make "Sorry, I forgot your name again?" cards.
Nodding and looking at your
watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love
you."
When your
girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd
appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a
time-out.
Birth control would come in ale
or lager.
The funniest
guy in the office would get to be CEO.
At the end of the workday, a
whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide
down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like
Fred Flintstone.
It be
considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned
helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
Tanks would be far easier to
rent.
Instead of beer
belly, you'd get "beer biceps".
Instead of an expensive
engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a
giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
Valentine's Day
would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap
years.
St. Patrick's day would be
celebrated every month.
The only show
opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football
from a different camera angle.
It would be perfectly legal to
steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following
day with a full tank of gas.
Every man would
get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
Daisy Duke shorts would never
again go out of style.
Wednesday - 9-24-08 - I BELIEVE . . .
Have a seat . . relax . . and read this slowly. This sums it all up.
I believe - . . that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I believe - . . that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I believe - . that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I believe - . . that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I believe - . . that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I believe - . . that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I believe - . . that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I believe - . . that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I believe - . . that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe - . . that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I believe - . . that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I believe - . . that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe - . . that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I believe - . . that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe . . that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I believe - . . that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I believe - . . that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe - . . that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I believe - . . that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe - . . that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I believe - . . that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I believe - . . that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I believe - . . that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you -you will find the strength to help.
I believe - . . that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe - . . that you should share this with
the people you love.
Monday -
9-22-08 - Meat - What The Meat Industry Doesn't Want You To
See
CAUTION!
VERY DISTURBING VIDEO! - CLICK
Friday -
9-19-08 - Simple Rules
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean
it.
FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
Now, here's the FUN part!
Share this message with your family
and friends!
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart
Wednesday -
9-17-08
- The Job
Application!
This job application was submitted by someone at a fast food establishment. They hired him!
DESIRED POSITION - Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY - $185,000 a year plus stock options and a
Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible,
make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION - Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD - Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY - Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT - My incredible collection of stolen
pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING - It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK - Any.
PREFERRED HOURS - 1:30 - 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and
Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited
to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be
here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU
FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here
would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may
already be a winner of the Publisher's Clearinghouse
Sweepstakes
DO YOU SMOKE? Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the
Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm
the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to
be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST
OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE Scorpio with Libra rising.
Monday - 9-15-08 - Be Nice to Truckers!
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee, & a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers pulled up.
They came in, and one grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger out of his hand and took a huge bite from it. The second biker drank the trucker's coffee, & the third biker wolfed down the apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word, just paid the cashier & left.
When he was gone, the bikers snickered & congratulated each other for being such bad asses. As the cashier walked up, a biker growled, "He ain't much of a man is he?"
"He's not much of a driver neither," replied the cashier. "He just backed his 18 wheeler over
five motorcycles."
Friday - 9-12-08 - Take Time
Take time to think-
It is the source of all power.
Take time to read-
It is the fountain of wisdom.
Take time to play-
It is the source of perpetual youth.
Take time to be quiet-
It is the opportunity to seek God.
Take time to be aware-
It is the opportunity to help others.
Take time to love and be loved-
It is God’s greatest gift.
Take time to laugh-
It is the music of the soul.
Take time to be friendly-
It is the road to happiness.
Take time to dream-
It is what the future is made of.
Take time to pray-
It is the greatest power on earth.
Take time to give-
It is too short a day to be selfish.
Take time to work-
It is the price of success.
There is a time for everything. . . .[Ecclesiastes 3:1-8]Bible
|
September 11, 2008
Tribute to 911 Victims and
Heroes! - USS
New York
|
Wednesday - 9-10-08 - Whether Democrat or Republican, I think you'll get a kick out of this!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the
Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class
while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep
shit.
Monday - 9-8-08 - Never Ever
Be Late
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.
A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife; taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled.
'But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that
and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk.
'I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the
honor of being the first one to go to him for confession.'
Moral: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE LATE.
Friday - 9-5-08 - An Older Trucker Gets
Pulled Over For Speeding...
Older Trucker: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Sir,
you were speeding.
Older Trucker:
Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Trucker:
I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don 't have one?
Older Trucker:
Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer:
I see...Can I see your vehicle registration
and papers please.
Older Trucker: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Trucker: I stole this
truck.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Trucker: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the
driver.
Officer: You what?
Older Trucker:
His body parts are in plastic bags in the back trailer if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the trucker and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the
truck. A senior officer slowly approaches the truck, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2:
Sir, could you step out of your truck please! The trucker steps out.
Older Trucker: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2:: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
truck and murdered the driver.
Older Trucker: Murdered the
driver?
Officer 2: Yes, could you
open the trailer, please.
The trucker opens the trailer, revealing nothing but an empty
trailer.
Officer 2: Is this your
truck, sir?
Older Trucker: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The old trucker takes out his license and hands
it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you
sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this
truck, and that you murdered and hacked up the driver.
Older Trucker: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!
Don't Mess With an Old Trucker!
Wednesday - 9-3-08 - Making
Breakfast
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said,
CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!
TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful.
CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen
to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you
what it feels like when I'm driving.
Monday - 9-1-08 - (Happy
Labor Day - Easy On The Drinking!) - Warning
to Men on Beer!
WHEN YOU GET TO THE END, CLICK ON THE LINK FOR THE DEMO!
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer".
The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to
go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship". In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory
females.
Please! Pass this warning to every male you know.
If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.
For a video to see how beer works click
below for Demo:
CLICK
FOR BEER DEMO
Friday - 8-29-08 - RETIRED TRUCKER - SOOOO FUNNY
Dear Mrs. Smith:
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Smith has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior
and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our
stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband
has caused.
All complaints against Mr. Smith have been compiled and are listed below.
Sincerely,
Complaint Department
MEMO Re: Mr. Smith - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Smith has done while his
spouse is shopping:
1. June 15, took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2, set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7, made a convoy with tomato juice
cans on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. July 19, When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
5. August 4, went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
lay away.
6. September 14, moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15, Set up a tent in the camping department
with a sign that read "Truck Stop - Rest Area" and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring food and beer from the Deli.
8. September 23, While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
9. October 4, Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
and picked his nose.
10. November 10, When a clerk asks if they can help him, he
says yes, and then takes them to Receiving and tells the clerk to start
unloading freight.
11. December 3, In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.
12. December 6, Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Convoy" theme.
13. December 18, Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21, walked up to an employee
with a shopping cart full of items and asked her "where's the weigh
station?"
(And; last, but not least!).
15. December 23, Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a
while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."
Wednesday -
8-27-08 - STROKE:
Remember The 1st Three Steps
A friend sent this to us and encouraged us to post it and spread the word. We agree. If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks. Seriously.. Please read:
STROKE IDENTIFICATION:
During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00pm, Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.
It only takes a minute to read this...
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.
RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the "3" steps, STR . Read and Learn!
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T *Ask the person to TALK to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE
(Coherently) (i.e. . . It is sunny out today)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
{NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue... if the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke}
If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
Monday 8-25-08 - That's
Only 53 Years Ago! Comments Made In The Year 1955:
"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."
"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2000 will only buy a used one."
"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."
"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"
"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."
"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."
"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."
"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems every new movie has either "hell" or "damn" in it.
"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."
"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president."
"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."
"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."
"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."
"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."
"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."
"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people ?
"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."
"There is no sense going to Vancouver anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."
"No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."
"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."
Friday - 8-22-08 - Daddy's car in the woods
Little Johnny watched his Daddy's' car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane In a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt.
Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..'
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'
At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, 'I was at the Playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.
Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.'
Wednesday - 8-20-08 - Men
Never Listen
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.
A nurse noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said ' You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the
buttons on the wall.'
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.
Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP, and a red one labeled ATR
Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.
What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff
completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.
'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button
'The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.'
MEN NEVER LISTEN!
Monday - 8-18-08 - Lock your doors from the inside
Beware....
This is very troubling what lengths people will go to
steal what doesn't belong to them! I do almost 100% of the time lock my car on the door lock inside when I exit the car. Little did I know that is the best way to lock your car. Read on......
Beware folks. This is news you can
use!!!
(THIS HAS BEEN CHECKED ON SNOPES)
My oldest son came over yesterday- he had to go
to Canada for work last week. One of the other engineer's traveling to Canada with him, but in his own car had something happen...that I need to share.
While traveling he stopped at the roadside park, similar to what we have here with bathrooms, vending machines etc. He came out to his car less than 4-5 minutes later and found someone had gotten into his car, and stolen his cell phone, laptop computer, gps navigator briefcase.....you name it.
They called the police and since there were no signs of his car being broke into- the police told him that there is a
device that robbers are using now to clone your security code when you lock your doors on your car using your key-chain locking
device. They set a distance away and watch for their next victim. Since they know you are going inside of the store, restaurant, or bathroom and have a few minutes to steal and run. The police office said...to be sure to manually lock your car door-by hitting the lock button inside the car, that way if there is someone setting in a parking lot watching for their next victim it will not be you.
When you hit the lock button on your car upon exiting...it does not send the security code, but if you walk away and use the door lock on your key chain- it sends the code thru the airwaves where it can be stolen.
I just wanted to let you know about this...it is something totally new to us...and this is real...it just happened this past Thursday June 19th to his co-worker...
so be aware of this and please pass this note on...look how many times we all lock our doors with our keys...just to be sure we remembered to lock them....and bingo the guys have our code...and whatever was in the car... can be gone.
I just wanted everyone I know to hear this from
me.
I never knew about anything like this...
and do not want this to happen to anyone I know ..if we can educate each other on bad things happening.
Keep safe everyone!
Friday - 8-15-08 - Don't Quit
When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill.
When funds are low and the debts are high.
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not QUIT.
Author unknown
Wednesday - 8-13-08 - Warm Water
After Your Meal To Help Prevent Heart Attack
This is a very good article. Not only about the warm water after your meal, but about
Heart Attacks.
The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating.
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion.
Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine.
Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a
meal.
Common Symptoms Of Heart Attack...
A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.
You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.
60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive.
A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message
passes it on to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. Read this &
pass it to a friend. It could save a life.
Monday - 8-11-08 - The
Media -
This just about says it all!
A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into
the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her
jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes
of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion
square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker
brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A
reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says:
"Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in
my whole life."
Why, it was nothing said the biker, really, the lion was behind bars.
I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.
I noticed a patch on your jacket said the journalist.
Yeah I ride with a Christian motorcycle club the biker replies.
Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you
know, and tomorrow papers will have this in first page.
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed
brings news of his actions, and reads, on first page:
BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
This sounds about normal for the press.
Friday - 8-8-08 - Someone
Out There Is Deadly At Scrabble
(Wait till you see the last one)!
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARTER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
